It doesn't help them. Here's what you can tell them instead!
Today's children are more worried than any other children in recent history. According to some long-term surveys of the mental health literature, the average child today expresses more anxiety than patients who were hospitalized for anxiety in the 1950s.
And these worries tend to become more pronounced during transitional phases - such as starting school.
Is there anything parents can say to help children manage anxiety?
From elementary school age onward, says Jill Emmanuel, clinical psychologist and director of education at the Child Cognition Institute, the most important thing parents can do is validate a child's concerns. When people say, 'I'm worried or anxious,' Emmanuel points out, the first thing many people want to do is say, 'It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay.
But when parents follow this path, you never give the child the opportunity to understand and experience why they are anxious, he says. Words of comfort may provide temporary relief, but if the anxiety is not addressed immediately, it will come back even stronger. Conversely, when children are anxious, parents can help them cope with their fears by asking questions about their worries and helping them find ways to cope with their fears.
High school kids face a whole new world of social pressure, both in real life and on social media. One way for parents to manage kids' stress is to manage their devices properly: Limit the amount of time kids can use their computers or cell phones.
It is also a good age for parents and children to explore the science behind stress. Stress presents itself automatically, he argues. But we need to teach our bodies the relaxation response. There is no one answer for everyone, but parents can start talking to children about whatever ways work to help them get rid of stress, from talking to singing: anything you can do to change the way everyday thinking disrupts them.
High school kids, says Emmanuel, go through significant brain changes that lead to issues with their mental health. For parents, the strategies to help middle school students manage anxiety are the same as at any age: help them identify specific concerns and strategies to resolve the issue. But with middle schoolers, says Emmanuel, there's an additional step. Since they are themselves so close to adulthood, you as parents need to be involved in their lives. You have to want to be involved.
Parents can also help children at this age by putting the pressure of success into perspective. As they prepare to complete schooling and start studying at university or some other phase of life, the stakes can seem incredibly high. Parents can help them by telling them that a bad grade will not ruin their chances for future happiness and that they can educate themselves well by pursuing other educational options.
And at any age, parents want to be careful that they do not become part of the stress themselves. If children see that parents are anxious or worried about them, they will be even more anxious. And on the other hand, if children see parents managing stress well, they will begin to model that behavior themselves.
So one of the best things parents can do to help their children manage stress is to find ways to make themselves less stressed.
Source: time.com